On Baby Items

Wow, there are like a million baby items out there. Take the baby bottle for example. When I was an infant, I only had one bottle that I drank from. (This is per my mom, for I have no recollection of anything when I was an infant. Well, except that my diaper leaked. I hated leaky diapers. They stink. Literally.) Oh how times have changed. First of all, I have resolved my leaky diaper problem now. Second, there are like 20 types of bottles now: round ones, square ones, 4-oz ones, 6-oz. ones, plastic ones, glass ones, ones with SpongeBob SquarePants on them, ones with a giant boob on them, etc. Not only do you have to get the bottles themselves, there is also an array of accessories that come with them: nipples, brushes, warmers, coolers, washing racks, drying racks, etc. When I was first recommended "Dr. Brown's Nipples," I thought to myself, okay, this doc better be a woman. After all, I ain't buying any man boobs.

Granted, bottles are essential items for a baby, and it is nice to have choices. However, there are just some items that are completely extraneous in the baby market.

Hamburger Baby Costume:

This costume gives baby food a whole new meaning. Unless you are using your baby as bait for Andre the Giant, at least lay the baby to sleep on his back to prevent Suddent Infant Death Syndrome.

Manual Snot Sucker:

Maybe if the tubing is a little shorter...

Man boobs:

This must be Dr. Brown and his nipples.

Zaky Infant Pillow:
Okay, this is just creepy.