On Medical Unnecessities

I have had some great doctors, and I have had some bad doctors. When I say "bad doctor," I do not mean a doctor that one hears on the news who got his fake medical degree online, prescribes narcotics to his dogs, and eats overpriced cupcakes. Those doctors are scary, yes, but to me, a "bad doctor" is also someone who practices like Pavlov's Dog, merely responding the same way to a medical situation repeatedly regardless of patient variables. Instead of using critical thinking skills, he relies on some sort of Pavlov's Medical Algorithm. Wow, imagine how dangerous it is to have Pavlov's Dog as your doctor giving you robotic diagnoses.

Oh wait, I have just been informed that is the function of WebMD.

Anyhoo, back to what I was saying.

Last week, I had some blood drawn. I spent 20 minutes driving to the hospital, 15 minutes looking for parking, 5 minutes to walk to the lab, 20 minutes waiting in line at the lab, and 5 minutes getting blood sucked out by a medical mosquito. The next day, I got a frantic call from my doctor's office stating that my glucose level came back at 23. To the non-medical folks out there, a glucose level of 23 means that you are, um, dead. More than dead actually, you have to be dead for maybe 970,341 hours to have that number. The nurse on the phone basically wanted to make sure that I was not dead. I informed her that, indeed, I am not dead and that this is most likely a lab error. (Lab errors occur quite often, as a matter of fact, so I was not alarmed.) She wanted me to get another glucose level drawn just to be sure. I was reluctant to do this, because I did not want to spent another 20 minutes driving to the hospital, 15 minutes looking for parking, 5 minutes walking to the lab, 20 minutes waiting in line at the lab, and 5 minutes getting blood sucked out by a medical mosquito just so that my doctor can have the peace of mind that I am not dead.

Dr. Pavlov's Dog's office thinks that any critical lab result should be repeated. This is mostly true; I agree that dangerous lab results should be repeated for accuracy. However, if this doctor's office took time to get to know the big picture that 1) I am a sleep-deprived new mommy who does not want to spent 20 minutes driving, 15...yada yada yada, 2) I have no history of hyperglycemia or hypoglycemia, even after eating cupcakes with lots of frosting, 3) I recently had glucose checked and it was normal, then it would make sense that I do not need to repeat this lab.

This morning, I got a call from my doctor's office again. It was to convince me that I have not seen the doctor for a year, and should schedule an annual physical. This is also mostly true; I agree that most people should see their doctor once a year. However, if this doctor's office took time to get to know the big picture that 1) I am a sleep-deprived new mommy who does not want to spent 20 minutes driving, 15...yada yada yada, 2) I have no new concerns to address, 3) I am a doctor myself, an annual physical is really not necessary for me. Apparently, Dr. Pavlov's Dog's office still wants to see me, because they do not trust that I can pronounce myself undead. Maybe I should consult WebMD then; that seems more reliable to a lot of people...

Medicine is an art. As a doctor, I always look at each patient individually, as no one is alike and no situation is alike. I strive to never become Pavlov's...well, you-know.

On Cupcakes

I recently went to Sprinkles in Palo Alto for a cupcake, because, you know, my husband likes risking his life driving in Palo Alto with Cal license plates. First of all, let me say that I like cupcakes; not love, just like. To me, it is essentially regular cake batter with frosting on top. What a concept, huh, cake with frosting. But somehow turning this cake with frosting into a smaller circular shape ends up costing the consumer three times as much. Most cupcakes are dressed up too, usually with some pastel color hat or frosting, snappy ribbons or sprinkles, and wrapped in a shiny skirt or cup. Cupcakes are treated like babies! Actually, I take that back. As a new mom, I do not treat my baby like that. A day that ends with less fecal material on his bottom than the amount he produced is considered pretty good treatment by my book.

I wanted to try Sprinkles because it has gotten a lot of raves from celebrities. I got the red velvet cupcake. I was not impressed at all. Earlier this year, my friend Julie gave me a delicious recipe for red velvet cupcakes, so I like to toot my own horn and say that my red velvet cupcakes are better than Sprinkles. Actually, it is her recipe, or whoever-she-got-the-recipe-from's recipe, so it is somebody else's horn.

Cupcakes seem to be the trendy thing for young people these days, including guys. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Sprinkles cupcakes made an appearance on the show The Girls Next Door. I can imagine a typical conversation between two guys on a Friday night as follows:

Person A: Hey man, what are you doing tonight?
Man: I am getting a cupcake.
Person A: Wow, you are so cool, not sissy at all.

Trendy foods used to be giant cookies, then fro-yo, and now these mini-cakes called cupcakes. As the portion size with each successive trendy food gets smaller and smaller, the average American B.M.I. gets larger and larger. This is exactly why I am cooking up a nice 50 oz. ribeye tonight and finally losing my baby weight.