alicea.s.ramblings

On Texas Medical Terms

2011-08-14T11:26:00.001-06:00

Ever get confused with all the medical words your doctors use? This list of Texas medical terms and definitions will help. I do not have a problem with Texas. I have a problem with people using medical words wrong. This shows you how to use them right.

artery = the study of paintings
bacteria = back door to the cafeteria
barium = what doctors do when patients die
benign = the year after you be 8
Cesarean section = a neighborhood in Rome
cat scan = searching for kitty
cauterize = made eye contact with her
colic = a sheep dog
coma = a punctuation mark
D&C = where Washington is
dilate = to live long
enema = not a friend
fester = quicker than someone else
fibula = a small lie
genital = a non-Jewish person
G.I. series = world series of military baseball
hangnail = what you hang your coat on
impotent = distinguished, well-known
labor pain = getting hurt at work
medical staff = a doctor's cane
morbid = a higher offer than I bid
nitrates = cheaper than day rates
node = I knew it
outpatient = a person who has fainted
Pap smear = a fatherhood test
pelvis = second cousin to Elvis
post-operative = a letter carrier
recovery room = place to do upholstery
rectum = almost killed him
secretion = hiding something
seizure = a Roman emperor
tablet = a small table
terminal illness = getting sick at the airport
tumor = more than one
urine = opposite of you're out
varicose = nearby

On Christian Doctoring

2011-06-21T20:13:00.004-06:00

On Christian Doctoring

What do you think of when you imagine a "Christian doctor"? Do you visualize a condemning pro-life activist? Do you think of someone withholding birth control from teenagers in an attempt to prevent promiscuity? Maybe you visualize a medical missionary in a third-world country. Well, I am none of the above but I am a Christian doctor. It has taken me a long time to understand what it means to be a Christian doctor. Since medical school, I have been a part of Christian Medical and Dental Association (CMDA), New York Medical College Christian Fellowship (NYMCCF), New Hope Fellowship Church (NHF), Morning Star New York Church (MSNY), First Baptist Church of San Francisco (FBCSF), City Presbyterian Church (CPC), Central Peninsula Church (another CPC), and Many Other Christian and Medical Groups With Short and Long Names and Abbreviations (MOCMGWSLNA). While these groups attempted to define "Christian doctor," I still had the same basic question:

If a non-Christian doctor can embrace Christian virtues e.g. love, compassion, patience, etc., what sets a Christian doctor apart?

I met a nice Christian man named Greg several years ago. I got to know him more recently as I became involved in his medical care. He has a terminal illness. While those surrounding him were saddened by the diagnosis, Greg seems to be in happy spirits. He is very knowledgeable of his advanced disease, but chose not to let that interfere with his daily life. He was still speaking at church, taking his son to the beach, and asking me out to lunch. As a doctor, it is always hard to have the end-of-life discussion with a patient. (Sometimes, I think it is more uncomfortable for the doctor than for the patient.) However, when I spoke to Greg about his wishes, it was very easy: he was certain that it was God's will for him to return to India. Other doctors, Greg himself, and I all had concerns about his physical state for traveling. However, Greg was able to see God's big picture for him beyond his illness. Soon, I began seeing it too. I no longer worried about this lab abnormality and that lab abnormality in his chart, and saw God's grand promise to bring him back to India. I am certain that God follows through with His promises once He makes them.

Perhaps what sets a Christian doctor apart is the ability to have faith in God to carry out His promises for patients even when the medical data point differently.

Greg did make it back to India before passing away last week.

Love and prayers to your family, Greg. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a Christian doctor.

On Kids and Assumptions

2011-05-03T10:18:00.001-06:00

There are so many assumptions people make about kids. Last Halloween, a Kansas City mom had to defend her son's choice to dress up as Daphne from Scooby-Doo, as people thought the kid must be gay. Her response was, "My son is gay. Or he's not. I don't care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don't want to know you...He is 5 years old. He has no conscious sexual orientation." To be honest, I do not know how I would respond if Josh wants to dress up as Daphne, but I would still love him as my son.

This week, Josh had an awful eczema flare where he scratched his face so much during sleep that he woke up with blood streaks on his face. It completely broke my heart when I found him in his crib covered in blood stains. (He actually didn't think too much of it, as he was still his happy self when he saw that I came in to get him.) I cleaned him up as much as I could, but did not want to scrub hard to remove everything. I put some ointment on him, and we proceed with our day. When we were out and about, a woman at the farmer's market saw Josh and remarked that he had "red food stains" all over his face that were not cleaned up. The response that I was thinking was "My son is a messy eater. Or he's not. I don't care. He is still my son. And he is 10 months old. Am I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don't want to know you...He is 10 months old. He has no conscious eating etiquette."

Instead, my response to that woman was, "That's not food, that's blood!!!" I pushed his stroller away, leaving a dropped jaw from her face.

On the Check-In Feature

2010-12-02T11:05:00.006-07:00

The "Check-In" feature is pretty neat, huh? Apparently, everyone can now know where someone is just with the Check-In feature. Facebook now also has the ability to combine all the check-in's from different websites or apps and dump them all in your News Feed. Someone checks into a cool nightclub in the Mission, let's say, and everyone thinks oh-oh-oh-she's-so-cool. Someone checks into a gym, everyone thinks ah-ah-ah-he's-so-fit. Or someone checks into Fu King Chinese Restaurant, everyone goes ha-ha-ha-that's-so-funny. That last one is a real restaurant, by the way. I am not joking. I heard it's a pretty good one too.

However, I am starting to think that this feature is getting abused. I still think my friend at the cool nightclub is cool, the one at the gym is fit, and the one at Fu King is, well, a fob, but people are starting to check into anything. And I mean anything! From embarrassing locations like S.T.D. clinics, or just plain who-cares locations like a nose-trimmer salon...there are certain locations you just should not check into online and announce to the entire internet community. Just sayin'.

Okay, I am exaggerating a little in my examples, but you know what I mean.

If I were a stalker, this Check-In feature would be my favorite. Too bad I am not though. Unfortunately, I lead a pretty boring life to justify using the Check-In feature: wake up --> change baby's diaper --> baby pees all over the wall while his diaper is open --> I clean up wall --> feed baby --> burp baby --> do baby's laundry --> clean up slobber that baby wiped all over the floor --> put baby to nap --> yell at baby not to put a dust bunny in his mouth --> yell at baby not to play with his genitals in public --> read to baby --> repeat five times --> put baby to bed.

They need to make a Check-In feature for babies.

On Medical Unnecessities

2010-08-16T14:48:00.013-06:00

I have had some great doctors, and I have had some bad doctors. When I say "bad doctor," I do not mean a doctor that one hears on the news who got his fake medical degree online, prescribes narcotics to his dogs, and eats overpriced cupcakes. Those doctors are scary, yes, but to me, a "bad doctor" is also someone who practices like Pavlov's Dog, merely responding the same way to a medical situation repeatedly regardless of patient variables. Instead of using critical thinking skills, he relies on some sort of Pavlov's Medical Algorithm. Wow, imagine how dangerous it is to have Pavlov's Dog as your doctor giving you robotic diagnoses.

Oh wait, I have just been informed that is the function of WebMD.

Anyhoo, back to what I was saying.

Last week, I had some blood drawn. I spent 20 minutes driving to the hospital, 15 minutes looking for parking, 5 minutes to walk to the lab, 20 minutes waiting in line at the lab, and 5 minutes getting blood sucked out by a medical mosquito. The next day, I got a frantic call from my doctor's office stating that my glucose level came back at 23. To the non-medical folks out there, a glucose level of 23 means that you are, um, dead. More than dead actually, you have to be dead for maybe 970,341 hours to have that number. The nurse on the phone basically wanted to make sure that I was not dead. I informed her that, indeed, I am not dead and that this is most likely a lab error. (Lab errors occur quite often, as a matter of fact, so I was not alarmed.) She wanted me to get another glucose level drawn just to be sure. I was reluctant to do this, because I did not want to spent another 20 minutes driving to the hospital, 15 minutes looking for parking, 5 minutes walking to the lab, 20 minutes waiting in line at the lab, and 5 minutes getting blood sucked out by a medical mosquito just so that my doctor can have the peace of mind that I am not dead.

Dr. Pavlov's Dog's office thinks that any critical lab result should be repeated. This is mostly true; I agree that dangerous lab results should be repeated for accuracy. However, if this doctor's office took time to get to know the big picture that 1) I am a sleep-deprived new mommy who does not want to spent 20 minutes driving, 15...yada yada yada, 2) I have no history of hyperglycemia or hypoglycemia, even after eating cupcakes with lots of frosting, 3) I recently had glucose checked and it was normal, then it would make sense that I do not need to repeat this lab.

This morning, I got a call from my doctor's office again. It was to convince me that I have not seen the doctor for a year, and should schedule an annual physical. This is also mostly true; I agree that most people should see their doctor once a year. However, if this doctor's office took time to get to know the big picture that 1) I am a sleep-deprived new mommy who does not want to spent 20 minutes driving, 15...yada yada yada, 2) I have no new concerns to address, 3) I am a doctor myself, an annual physical is really not necessary for me. Apparently, Dr. Pavlov's Dog's office still wants to see me, because they do not trust that I can pronounce myself undead. Maybe I should consult WebMD then; that seems more reliable to a lot of people...

Medicine is an art. As a doctor, I always look at each patient individually, as no one is alike and no situation is alike. I strive to never become Pavlov's...well, you-know.

On Cupcakes

2010-08-10T04:26:00.006-06:00

I recently went to Sprinkles in Palo Alto for a cupcake, because, you know, my husband likes risking his life driving in Palo Alto with Cal license plates. First of all, let me say that I like cupcakes; not love, just like. To me, it is essentially regular cake batter with frosting on top. What a concept, huh, cake with frosting. But somehow turning this cake with frosting into a smaller circular shape ends up costing the consumer three times as much. Most cupcakes are dressed up too, usually with some pastel color hat or frosting, snappy ribbons or sprinkles, and wrapped in a shiny skirt or cup. Cupcakes are treated like babies! Actually, I take that back. As a new mom, I do not treat my baby like that. A day that ends with less fecal material on his bottom than the amount he produced is considered pretty good treatment by my book.

I wanted to try Sprinkles because it has gotten a lot of raves from celebrities. I got the red velvet cupcake. I was not impressed at all. Earlier this year, my friend Julie gave me a delicious recipe for red velvet cupcakes, so I like to toot my own horn and say that my red velvet cupcakes are better than Sprinkles. Actually, it is her recipe, or whoever-she-got-the-recipe-from's recipe, so it is somebody else's horn.

Cupcakes seem to be the trendy thing for young people these days, including guys. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Sprinkles cupcakes made an appearance on the show The Girls Next Door. I can imagine a typical conversation between two guys on a Friday night as follows:

Person A: Hey man, what are you doing tonight?
Man: I am getting a cupcake.
Person A: Wow, you are so cool, not sissy at all.

Trendy foods used to be giant cookies, then fro-yo, and now these mini-cakes called cupcakes. As the portion size with each successive trendy food gets smaller and smaller, the average American B.M.I. gets larger and larger. This is exactly why I am cooking up a nice 50 oz. ribeye tonight and finally losing my baby weight.

On Baby Items

2010-04-20T22:00:00.012-06:00

Wow, there are like a million baby items out there. Take the baby bottle for example. When I was an infant, I only had one bottle that I drank from. (This is per my mom, for I have no recollection of anything when I was an infant. Well, except that my diaper leaked. I hated leaky diapers. They stink. Literally.) Oh how times have changed. First of all, I have resolved my leaky diaper problem now. Second, there are like 20 types of bottles now: round ones, square ones, 4-oz ones, 6-oz. ones, plastic ones, glass ones, ones with SpongeBob SquarePants on them, ones with a giant boob on them, etc. Not only do you have to get the bottles themselves, there is also an array of accessories that come with them: nipples, brushes, warmers, coolers, washing racks, drying racks, etc. When I was first recommended "Dr. Brown's Nipples," I thought to myself, okay, this doc better be a woman. After all, I ain't buying any man boobs.

Granted, bottles are essential items for a baby, and it is nice to have choices. However, there are just some items that are completely extraneous in the baby market.

Hamburger Baby Costume:

This costume gives baby food a whole new meaning. Unless you are using your baby as bait for Andre the Giant, at least lay the baby to sleep on his back to prevent Suddent Infant Death Syndrome.

Manual Snot Sucker:

Maybe if the tubing is a little shorter...

Man boobs:

This must be Dr. Brown and his nipples.

Zaky Infant Pillow:
Okay, this is just creepy.

On the Flu

2009-08-12T22:44:00.006-06:00

This article is published in my group's newsletter this month. Now you all know everything there is to know about the flu.

It's still summer. Do I really need to think about influenza already?
The best way to battle influenza is through prevention, so you might start thinking about getting the seasonal influenza vaccine (flu shot) in the fall. Because the incidence of influenza is higher in the winter, you should plan on getting the flu shot in the fall to allow your body enough time to build up an adequate immune response to the virus. We should have this vaccine available in our offices by mid-October (or sooner) and will send out an update when it is available.

Can the flu shot give me the flu?
Absolutely not. The vaccine is made from inactive (dead) viral components. Sometimes, you may get a low-grade fever and malaise (not feeling well) shortly after the shot, but those symptoms do not represent a flu. Rather, they are signs that your immune system is hard at work responding to the flu shot and protecting you from infection.

Why isn't the flu shot 100% effective?
Scientists cannot know with certainty what future strains will do, but they look at previous years' patterns to predict what the virus will do this year. Fortunately, their predictions are accurate enough to make the flu vaccine about 90% effective. Personally, I'll happily take something that gives me a 90% chance of not having high fevers, severe muscle aches, and creatively colored mucus for days!

I get flu shots every year. What else can I do?
Don't forget that even the simplest measures can prevent the flu, such as frequent hand-washing, avoiding face-to-face contact with others who are sick, and maintaining general good health through a good diet and exercise.

Should I still worry about the H1N1 (swine) flu?
Although the media report every case of possible H1N1 influenza, the seasonal (regular) flu is much more prevalent. The symptoms of both types of influenza are similar and only a discussion with your doctor and specific tests can distinguish the two. Even so, the treatment is similar in both cases, and prescription medications are rarely necessary. H1N1 is still prowling among us and can be prevented using the same precautionary measures described above.

What about an H1N1 vaccine?
The CDC has not announced when or where the H1N1 vaccine will be available, but we expect to know more by October. We will send out updates as we receive more information. The H1N1 vaccine is different from the standard flu shot described above.

On Bidets

2009-06-23T21:10:00.007-06:00

Traveling internationally, one cannot help but encounter a bidet or two. A bidet is a basin in the bathroom dedicated to washing those nooks and crannies of the human genitalia. Water spurts out from a faucet similar to a sink and is supposed to hit exactly those soiled areas of the human body. What strikes me as odd is its abundance throughout the world, especially in Europe. I guess European genitalia must be more easily soiled than American genitalia. There are also various options for color choices. Unlike the plain white toilet, I have found bidets in red, white, and blue, which makes me even more puzzled why bidets are not more popular in America. Soon enough, newly wedded couples may purchase bidets in their wedding colors. Why is the bidet so important? I suppose there is nothing else that can so easily rinse the human genitalia with water as a bidet. Strange, I swear I heard rumors of all that a shower can do.

In addition to the standard uses of the bidet, people have found more creative uses.

Foot-washing: It disturbs me that someone is sitting on the toilet and using the bidet at the same time. I always thought that sitting on the toilet should always be enjoyed in the privacy of itself; some may argue about the company of a good book. The woman in the photograph must not be aware of the risk of falling into the toilet, either.

Baby-washing: I know the amniotic fluid is somewhat of an appalling substance to be soaked in for 9 months, but I am not sure bidet water is better.

Beer-cooling: Does anyone actually want to drink anything from a bidet? Other than lapping dogs, I mean.

Whatever creative use you choose, be sure to reserve the bidet for that particular use exclusively. You do not want to be threatened with new feces on the foot (especially if you already have a foot odor problem), weird fecal hookworms with names like Necator americanus (found in contaminated red, white, or blue bidets), or a divorce decree due to your foot odor or fecal hookworm problems. Well, just make sure the filing spouse get the nasty bidet in the settlement.

On Swine Flu

2009-04-29T16:29:00.004-06:00

How not to prevent the swine flu:

On Gallstones

2009-04-06T19:59:00.006-06:00

I saw a patient with cholelithiasis (gallstones) whom I was referring to a surgeon to perform a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal). During my pre-surgery examination, the patient asked me, “Can I keep the gallstones? I want to make earrings out of them.” Aside from suppressing an intense urge to laugh at that moment, I told her in my most professional tone that gallstones are mostly made of cholesterol, which break easily and thus are not ideal for jewelry-making. They are also dark-colored and oddly shaped, and therefore not aesthetically pleasing.

Perhaps I should have pointed out her failure to realize that she would be making earrings out of her own body parts. Then again, I am sure she already knew that but does not care.

What’s next? Human teeth necklaces?

Oh man, the future is already here.

On (s)Tar Wars

2009-01-28T18:24:00.008-07:00

I gave a presentation to fifth graders about smoking: how it is bad for you, how it makes your teeth yellow, how it makes your breath stink, how it makes you wrinkly, and how much it costs to maintain a smoking habit. (I skipped the long-term effects like emphysema, lung cancer, and death because they simply cannot grasp those ideas, and also, well, they cannot pronounce "emphysema".) To demonstrate the cost of a smoking habit, I asked them to calculate the money it takes to maintain the habit for a week, a month, a year, and fifty years. Using $4 for a pack of cigarettes and assuming one pack per day, smoking costs $28 per week, $112 per month, $1,456 per year, and $73,000 for fifty years. (I ignored the wise kid who informed me that my math should involve premium cigars at $23 a piece). I then asked the class what they would buy with those respective amounts of money. Most of the other presenters got answers like "comic books," "i-Dog," "Star Wars saber," and "Xbox 360 Pro with wireless controllers and wireless adapter and Halo III" from their fifth graders. My class said:

"I would invest it."

"I would put it in the stock market."

"I would save it in a bank and live off the interest."

"I would invest it in foreign currency."

After my presentation, I was made aware that my class consisted of children of financial advisers.

On Being White

2008-11-22T23:03:00.004-07:00

So I think I am white.

I just finished reading Christian Lander’s book Stuff White People Like, and I am convinced that everything he describes for white people is about me.

“White people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.”

Been there. Done that. Took a photo. Got the T-shirt.

“White people love Starbucks, although they will profess to hate how the chain is now a multinational corporation. This hatred is often sublimated by their relief at seeing one in an airport. The best place for white people to drink coffee is at a locally owned coffeeshop that offers many types of drinks, free Wi-Fi, and some sort of message board that is peppered with notices about rooms for rent and bands looking for bass players. White people are given extra points for buying Fair Trade coffee, because paying the extra $2 means they are making a difference while their peers are drinking liquid oppression.”

We were deeply upset when there was no Starbucks in France…even though there was (better) French-press coffee everywhere. When we landed at J.F.K. airport, the first thing we got was a cup of Starbucks coffee. The second thing was a really good sandwich that took 40 minutes to arrive.

“White people don’t just like Apple, they love Apple and need to it operate…Drive to a local coffee shop (Starbucks will do in a pinch) and set up your Apple for the world to see. Thankfully, the Apple logo on the back will light up! So even in a dark place, people can see how unique and creative you (and the five other people next to you doing the exact same thing) truly are!”

This one is not my fault. My "white" husband made me get a Mac.

“White men love Asian women so much that they will go to extremes like stating that Sandra Oh is sexy, teaching English in Asia, playing in a coed volleyball league, or attending institutions such as…UCLA (University of Caucasians Living Among Asians).”

Like white men, I definitely love Asian women. In fact, 75% of my closest friends are Asian women. They just understand me, you know? Not surprisingly, half of them went to UCLA or UC-Irvine (University of Chinese Immigrants).

“White people…believe all of the world’s problems can be solved through ‘awareness’ – meaning the process of making other people aware of problems, magically causing someone else, like the government, to fix it.”

Wait, now surely the pink Special K Red Berries cereal I bought for Breast Cancer Awareness Month means something. By purchasing that cereal, Kellog’s is making people more aware of breast cancer and making the world a better place. It must be true because it says so on the box.

“Every white person takes at least one trip to Europe between the ages of 17 and 29. During this time they are likely to wear a backpack…see some old churches, and ride a train.”

Did you not read my last blog entry? We just got back from looking at old buildings and spending hours traveling to Provence on a train.

“It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up a name…] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to find in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and will consider you to be a very smart person.”

Have you still not read my last blog entry? Our favorite muscat is one from Beaumes-de-Venise in France.

“Whole Foods stores have replaced churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings…[for] white people…Whole Foods is a profit-driven, publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.”

I spend like $100 every time I walk in there. Instead of avoiding Whole Foods altogether, now I carry credit cards.

“White people believe they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchens…If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press, and a blender. There will also be hand-powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.”

…and melon balllers. He missed that.

“White people like to vacation…and live in San Francisco…However, it is important to be aware of the fact that regions outside San Francisco feature many people who are not white, gay, or Asian. They are greatly appreciated during the census, but white people are generally very happy that they stay in places like Oakland and Richmond. This enables white people to feel good about living near people of diverse background without having to directly deal with troublesome issues like income gaps or failing schools.”

San Francisco has troublesome issues like income gaps, too. When I was living there, all my neighbors made 5 times the income I did. Um, I was forced to move out.

“”The white person’s obsession with expensive juice has helped launch a number of prominent orange juice companies as well as breakfast places offering up $6 glasses of ‘freshly-squeezed’ orange juice…There are some instances where the juice is simply that of a single fruit, but in those cases it must be a fruit that seems difficult to juice – pomegranate, for example.”

Oops, it really doesn’t help my case that I just bought pomegranate juice from Whole Foods. I’m going to wipe some pomegranate juice on my face so I feel less white.

“If you know a white person with a Wii, it’s never a good idea to buy them a game. Instead, you should try to get yourself invited over to play. They are desperate for the company.”

Yes, please please please come over to play Wii with us! Justin is playing Wii by himself right now. Poor thing.

“White people need to show off the books that they have read.”

I didn’t realize this when I started this entry, but this is exactly what I am doing right now.

I am so white.

On Provence and Provençal Gastronomy

2008-11-17T21:45:00.017-07:00

I started liking French cuisine the first time I had garlic-butter escargot and chocolate mousse in high school French class. As my taste buds matured, I experimented with more advanced French cuisine e.g. coq au vin (rooster cooked in wine), Bûche de Noël (chocolate buttercream sponge cake), mille-feuilles (layers of puff pastry and pastry cream), etc. Eventually, I fell in love with specifically Provençal cuisine. Provençal menu items usually take hours to bake or stew, so the result is a heartier and more flavorful meal. While most people spend hours lining up to ascend the Eiffel Tower in anglophone Paris, I spent hours traveling to the less accessible, francophone Provence.

Gordes, my favorite town in Provence

Provence is so named because it was the first Roman province outside of Italy. Being a region of southeastern France, Provence has a sun-blessed climate that makes it ideal for olive growing. Like their Italian neighbors to the east, the people of Provence rely heavily on olive oil for sauces, marinades, and sautéing foods. Weekly farmers' markets sell fresh produce, fruits, and herbs, in addition to olive oil, to ensure the freshest dishes in the whole region. Apparently, frozen foods and T.V. dinners are not fashionable there...neither are Americans.

local farmers' market selling an large assortment of herbs and spices

My favorites, truffles and porcini mushrooms, are so...what's the word, sublime, when they are fresh that I was inspired to cook fresh porcini mushroom risotto with truffle oil the first week I returned to the States. It certainly does not help that fresh porcini mushrooms are $35/lb. at Whole Foods.

Because Provence borders the Mediterranean sea, fish and shellfish are eaten in abundance. In just a few days, we enjoyed sea bass, red mullet, monkfish, mussels, oysters, and scallops. The warm, dry Mediterranean climate forces the local wines to be grown under demanding conditions though, as the grapes ripen quickly. We, however, found one of the best muscats in a town named Beaumes-de-Venise famous for its sweet wine appellation.

Suzette, a small town in Provence surrounded by vineyards

grapes

Best of all, Justin arranged for us to stay at a bed-n-breakfast that served Provençal dinners. So instead of only being pampered with freshly-squeezed apple juice from the orchard next to our bedroom for breakfast, James, our chef, also prepared us dinners. What kind of bed-n-breakfast serves dinners?! I guess this one. James is the son of the couple who ran the bed-n-breakfast, and has been in the professional kitchen since 16 years old under the guidance of a two-star Michelin chef. He does not own a restaurant himself, but only cooks Michelin-rated food for his parents' bed-n-breakfast guests. Kind of an odd fellow, but hey, I am not going to complain about the 5-course dinner he cooked for us each evening comprising of soup, appetizer, entree, cheese, and dessert. He formulates the menu the morning of or the night before, depending on what is available at local farmers' markets, how his escargots are looking in his personal farm, and how much porcini mushrooms cost that day. One Saturday night, James cooked for us a 7-course dinner comprised of soup, appetizer, meat entree, fish entree, cheese, pre-dessert, and dessert. On Sunday night, Justin and I returned to our bed-n-breakfast after a day of visiting cute hilltop towns only to be disappointed by a lack of 7-course dinner waiting for us! Apparently, Sunday is James's day off. I suppose if God takes Sundays off, James is permitted one day out of the week, too.

James, our chef

James making fresh ravioli

And the best part of all? Retreating to our room upstairs after being baptized with food coma, as we were already home. ZZZzzzz...

On Health Advice

2008-10-12T20:55:00.010-06:00

I just finished reading the popular book Skinny Bitch: Bun in the Oven.

Now before you come to your own conclusions and say to yourself "Why is Alicea reading a book about the B word?" or "Is Alicea pregnant?" or "Is Alicea worried about her figure?", let me preface by saying that I just like to read. I read everything. Really, I read everything from the Bible to the classics to contemporary fiction to biographies to foregin books to etc. The topics of my book selection vary from political opinions, shoe shopping, Christian men, Muslim women, Pakistani kids, food history, high-altitude mountaineering, Civil War, etc. to just about anything. Heck, I just finished a book about pseudohermaphrodites. I read everything.

What inspired me to read this particular book is that I frequently hear my patients complain about how difficult it is to be skinny after having a baby. Certainly, that cannot be universally true, as I have two friends, Megan and Jodie, whom I consider "hot mamas." After pushing out their babies, they both still look fabulous. When I met up with them recently with their babies, both of them looked fit and played with their babies in high heels. Kudos to them! I wondered how they were able to maintain their figures. Who are the U.S. women going to for advice about staying fit after a pregnancy? Apparently, the above book is it.

Although humorous, the book contained a lot of advice that made me raise my eyebrows. For example, they spent a whole chapter telling women they need to be vegans, and not just regular vegans, but organic vegans. They claim that "all" those pesticides are "so harmful". I guess they rather have vegetables rotted by bugs than to have a little pesticide during harvest. They also tell women to stop consuming dairy! They claim the calcium can be obtained from so many other sources. The fact that they want all women to stop eating beef is my biggest beef with them (sorry, pun unintended). After quoting from Gail Eisnitz's Slaughterhouse, they claim that the meat industry is inhumane. Maybe it is, but they obviously have never tasted a juicy, crispy steak from San Francisco's Boboquivari's.

The two authors, Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin, are best-selling authors from their first book Skinny Bitch that inspired the whole series. Barnouin is a former model, whose looks resemble a "hot mama," or she could just be having a good hair day at her photo shoot that day. She holds a Master of Science in "Holistic Nutrition." What is that, you ask? Apparently, the Holistic Nutrition Credentialing Board will give anyone a degree if any Joe Schmoe writes a letter stating that you have completed an externship with them. Oh, there's got to be more requirements than that, no? Okay, yes, you are also required to do some research, but internet searches count. Are you kidding me??? Visit the Holistic Nutrition Credentialing Board and see for yourself.

Freedman is a former agent for Ford models, and "has been studying nutrition for fifteen years." I noticed that nowhere does it say she obtained an actual degree from all her "studying". What does "been studying nutrition" mean? Did she just read books about nutrition on her own from time to time? Or perhaps she read nutrition magazine articles in between inducing emesis in her model clientele? If that's her credentials for writing a book on nutrition, then I should go and write a book on...Usher.

It annoys me that women in the U.S. today are looking to random people for advice about health. I might as well throw away my M.D. and start working on my book for Usher.

On Yearbook Photos

2008-09-25T15:59:00.013-06:00

My high school friend Maggie gave me a website that shows what one would look like if one graduated from another year: www.yearbookyourself.com. Here are my results:

1960

1966

1978

1984

1990

Wow, I would have been really hot if I graduated in 1960.

On Breast-feeding

2008-09-01T15:34:00.004-06:00

True story:

A developmentally delayed woman gave birth to an infant at Medical Center of Aurora in Colorado. Her nurse noticed that this patient was having problems breast-feeding her baby, and consulted a special lactation nurse to help her. The next day, the lactation nurse stopped by the patient's room and saw that the woman was bottle-feeding the baby. The lactation nurse introduced herself, and said, "I'm here to teach you how to breastfeed the baby."

The woman eagerly replied, "Sure, okay!"

After helping the baby latch onto this woman's breast for awhile, a social worker came by the patient's room. With a weird look on her face, she said to the lactation nurse, "That is not the mother! This woman has never been pregnant! She is not lactating!"

It turns out that the developmentally delayed mother had stepped out of the room, left her baby with a developmentally delayed friend, who apparently accepted the kind offer for breast-feeding lessons.

...you can't even make these things up.